Vagina Manual

misc - 2

This week's blog is inspired by this picture.  I have the utmost respect for people who undergo radical surgery to alter their bodies.  But it struck me that this person gets a manual to own a neo-vagina. I should probably put together a manual for those who are provided a vagina by God or mother nature or whatever your belief..... here it is. The Vagina Owners Manual.

Women's power, feminism concept. Woman hands holding female gender sign on pink background.

The Vagina Owners Manual

Staying Safe with Your Vagina


Congratulations on being born with a vagina.  You will come to appreciate many things about this miraculous part of your body.  Unfortunately, there are a few safety and maintenance issues to be attended to. 

How do I care for my Vagina?

The good news is that the vagina is self-cleaning so you will not have to worry about daily care, it should last you your entire life and bring you a great deal of satisfaction.


What should I know?

The most important thing to know is that the vagina is installed in a body that is built for a range of important functions, such as childbearing. Due to this, vagina owners have bodies less able to lift heavy things, run as fast, or defend itself from predators than those with the only other type of body from the same manufacturer, the “penis owner”. Vagina owner's bodies are particularly vulnerable when the vagina is discharging uterus lining, has been impregnated by a penis owner, has just produced a penis or vagina owner, or is lactating.


How do I Protect my Vagina?

Vagina owners require special protections that are sometimes gained by dwelling in groups with other vagina owners, sometimes protected by groups of strong penis owners or in households where their bodily vulnerability is protected by a penis owner. The societal system where vagina owners are protected by penis owners is Penisarchy.

What are the risks of Penisarchy?

You need to be aware that the body of penis owners pose significant risk to the bodies of vagina owners.  Especially the penis owners that are in the household or inner group of the vagina owner. Also if the vagina owner is in public areas without a penis owner.  In a Penisarchy the Penis owner is a vagina owner’s greatest risk. The risks stem almost entirely from the desire of penis owners to penetrate the vagina with their penis.  This was meant to be a design feature, as it is necessary for the ongoing manufacture of penis and vagina havers.

Problems with the Penisarchy are outlined in appendix I, II and III.

What are the alternatives to Penisarchy?

Some societies provide infrastructure, demanded and largely paid for by vagina owners to mitigate risks for vagina owners to safely live outside of Penisarchy.  If you are lucky enough to live in one of these places, vagina havers will access a range of products, facilities and protections to keep your vagina safe from penis owners.  This infrastructure includes special rooms, shelters and accommodations, where only vagina owners can go. Also, special health facilities have been advocated for and made available for the functioning and health of your vagina and the body that supports it.  Very advanced societies sometimes give special scholarships, housing, loans and encouragement to vagina owners, to ensure full involvement in all activities and equal involment of vagina havers with penis havers.

These societies strive toward Gynaquality.


Where do I find Gynaquality?

Unfortunately, the spaces that vagina owners advocated for and pay for with their taxes are now being run by governments who are too lazy to protect vagina owners and their bodies. So they change the meaning of “vagina owner" to mean “whoever”.  Initially, very special accommodations for penis owners who had removed their penis were allowed into the spaces that were allocated only for bodies of vagina owners.  Now with the reassertion of Penisarchy there is no place a vagina owner can find exclusive public accommodations.

What can vagina owners do now?

There is special insurance available for vagina owners.  To get this protection, vagina owners need to first join a secret, illegal, and widely scorned resistance.  Here, vagina owners fight for a word that describes themselves, the kind of bodies they have, and the way they go through life as vagina owners, experiencing violence, childbirth, menstruation and specific weakness.   A word to talk about being subject to the will and desires of the Penisarchy.  This special protection will only be available when vagina owners establish this word to describe all that is involved with being a vagina owner.  That word is “woman”.  



  1. Elsa Direm on August 8, 2021 at 8:43 am

    Love it! Thank you!

  2. HumanMagpie on August 8, 2021 at 8:50 am

    Love it!

  3. David Harries on August 8, 2021 at 12:59 pm


  4. Mary Jane Dickenson on August 8, 2021 at 7:52 pm

    Brilliant. Thank you, Edie

  5. Cathy Oddie on August 9, 2021 at 12:08 pm

    I laughed out loud and will later read it out loud to my husband who I am sure will also laugh out loud. And boy do we need something to make us laugh in the midst of a world being taken over by this crazed ideology

  6. Elsa on September 5, 2021 at 12:47 am

    Brilliant and funny in a dismal new world order! Thank you!